He Will Carry Me
by tinkerbell877
Summary: It's one 1:00am...and I'm still up. I thought about what I just did. I carefully picked up the razor blade again and let it glide over my wrist. ONE-SHOT


_**He will Carry Me**_

**By Tinkerbell877**

I like this song a lot. It's called **_He Will Carry Me _**by Mark Schultz. I felt like doing a one shot today and picked this song. Tell me what you think please!

**Lizzie POV**

* * *

It's one 1:00am...and I'm still up. I thought about what I just did. I carefully picked up the razor blade again and let it glide over my wrist. As much as I tried to stop, I couldn't. It helps the pain I guess. Kinda like the whole alcohol thing. You drink...and it solves all your problems. For like an hour. And the next thing you know, you're in AA. Somehow, that seems so much worse than cutting to me. Probably because my dad was killed by a drunk driver a year ago. That's when this whole thing started. I gripped my hand over my wrist to stop the bleeding. It hurt, but it made me feel better. I knew I needed to stop...but I just can't. It's not that easy.

Thought's of my dad came rushing in. It should have been me. If I would have just looked where I was going, this wouldn't have happened. I was driving home from Matt's baseball game with my dad. I don't know why he let me drive, he thinks I'm a crazy driver. I guess I am, huh? I remember pushing my foot against the pedal as hard as I could when I saw the truck come at us from the right. That's all I remember. My mom really took it hard. I still blame myself for it too. Everyone tell's me it isn't my fault.

A tear slid down my cheek. And another, and another. Every time I think about him, I feel like I won't ever stop. I didn't cry for a whole month. I kept it in. Until one day I just broke down. And ever since I've sorta been making up for those tears I didn't shed. I picked up my phone and dialed.

_**I call,  
You hear me  
I've lost it all  
And it's more than I can bear  
I feel so empty **_

"Hello?"

"Gordo?" I sniffed. What was I doing calling him this late? Or early. Whatever.

He noticed something was wrong right away. I saw him from my window as he abruptly sat up. "What's wrong?"

"I- I, um, I did it again." My voice was weak. I barely squeaked it out.

"I'm coming. Don't do anything." He hung up. This happened about once a month. I called, and he came to save me. I'm sick of it. I wish I could stop...but I just can't.

_**You're strong, I'm weary  
I'm holding on  
But I feel like giving in  
But still You're with me**_

My door opened and a little creek went through my silent house. My mom knows. She knows everything. Gordo coming over, the cutting, everything. She is trying to help, ya know. She said she might send me into rehab. I don't know if it's going to help. I mean, I've read a lot of books about how girls just find something to cut with. Whether it's paper, or a paperclip. They say you have to want to stop. I do...really.

Gordo kneeled by my bed. "Hey," he whispered and stroked my hair looking at me sadly.

"This is to hard Gordo. I don't want to-"

"Shhh. Don't say that. Move over," he said gently still caressing my hair.

I moved over and held me. I cried. A lot actually. A lot more than usual. I guess about my whole cutting thing, and to add on, my dad. But he was there for me.

_**And even though I'm walking  
Through the valley of the shadow  
I will hold tight to the hand of Him  
Whose love will comfort me  
And when all hope is gone  
And I've been wounded in the battle  
He is all the strength that I will ever need  
He will carry me **_

Gordo kissed my forehead about an hour later. "You okay now?" he asked.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Mmhm."

"Ok baby. Get some rest."

And with that, I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up and hour later panting. My head shot straight up in the air and I almost screamed. I shook my head trying to rid my thoughts of the dream I just had.

_**I know I'm broken  
But You alone  
Can mend this heart of mine  
You're always with me **_

Gordo rubbed my back soothingly. "What's wrong baby? Come here." He said and pulled me into his chest. "It's ok Liz. What happened?"

"I-I was drinking. And I, I hit someone. I drank a lot. And I was driving a truck. I had a bottle of beer in my hand and I just ran into these innocent people. I killed them Gordo!" I said between sobs.

"Shh, shhh. It's ok. It's just a dream. Okay?" He asked, kissing my head.

I was breathing really hard. "Yeah." I closed my eyes and let my head fall back on the pillow. I shook my head. Why was this nightmare haunting me every night? What did I do?

_**And even though I'm walking  
Through the valley of the shadow  
I will hold tight to the hand of Him  
Whose love will comfort me  
And when all hope is gone  
And I've been wounded in the battle  
He is all the strength that I will ever need  
He will carry me **_

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes and an empty bed. I sighed. Oh what I would do to have him in here with me all night. I knew he left sometime around four. His parents would worry if he wasn't home...and my mom would still kinda be in shock seeing Gordo in my room at three am. Let alone in my bed.

I got out of bed and wandered aimlessly. I sat down on the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. What was I doing with my life? I was ruining it. I was popular at school, had the best boyfriend, tons of friends, president of the Student Council, but yet everyday is an act. I am faking my life. I go to school everyday like old Lizzie. Lizzie who was happy, all the time. Lizzie who could wear whatever she wanted not having to worry about the scars on her arms.

I don't want to put on an act anymore. I want to be real. I knew Gordo was at the library, just like every Saturday morning. So, I signed on to my computer to see if he was on Instant Messenger. He was. Good.

_**And even though I feel so lonely  
Like I have never been before  
You never said it would be easy  
But You said You'd see me through the storm **_

BehindTheseEyes: Hey

ThatOneGuy7: Hey beautiful. You're up early.

BehindTheseEyes: Yea. I guess.

ThatOneGuy7: You okay now?

BehindTheseEyes: Yea, I'm ok.

ThatOneGuy7: Good. I need to go get a book for references. Brb.

BehindTheseEyes: Okay.

**ThatOneGuy7 is away**.

**ThatOneGuy7 returned**.

BehindTheseEyes: Hey Gordo...

ThatOneGuy7: Yea Liz?

BehindTheseEyes: I don't want to put on an act anymore.

ThatOneGuy7: I know baby. I know.

BehindTheseEyes: Everyone thinks I'm perfect Lizzie. I'm not!

ThatOneGuy7: If you ever decide to tell anyone else besides Miranda or Me about this, if they didn't understand, or blow you off, they aren't your true friends. True friends will be there for you. They will help you with everything.

I smiled. This kid really knew how to make me feel better.

BehindTheseEyes: Thanks Gordo. I love you.

ThatOneGuy7: I love you too. Hey, I'm just about done here. Would you like to do something today?

BehindTheseEyes: I would love to.

ThatOneGuy7: I'll see you in about an hour?

BehindTheseEyes: Yep. Thanks again. I love you.

ThatOneGuy7: Any time Liz, anytime.

ThatOneGuy7: I love you too.

**BehindTheseEyes has signed off.**

**_And even though I'm walking  
Through the valley of the shadow  
I will hold tight to the hand of Him  
Whose love will comfort me  
And when all hope is gone  
And I've been wounded in the battle  
He is all the strength that I will ever need  
He will carry me _**

I sat at my computer for about ten minutes after that, just thinking. I have the best friends in the word.

_**He will carry me...**_

_**He will carry me...**_

* * *

**_Um... yea. Review? Thanks_**


End file.
